yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
