a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
