my being single is dangerous.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
