planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
