So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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