just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
