I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
