Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
