As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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