does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
