Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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