The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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