From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
