he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
