in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
