So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
