Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
