break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
