1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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