she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
