I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
