OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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