she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
