we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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