Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
