You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
