Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
