I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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