I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
