I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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