There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
