P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
