i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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