I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
