They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
