I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
