I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
