Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Soap is not a condiment
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
