he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
