my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
