I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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