Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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