Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
