I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
