would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
