You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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