I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
