My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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