OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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