...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
